Tag Archives: feminism

The Last Time I Got Harassed By a Strange Man

If you guessed yesterday, congratulations! Four jerks in a parked car made me afraid in my own neighborhood and ruined my day.

Because so many women have been sharing their stories of harassment and assault lately (thanks to the presidential campaign, these topics are in the news), here is mine.

My day started out just fine. It was a crisp, cool morning. The sun was shining, the leaves were gorgeous, and I was listening to NPR Weekend Edition on my iPhone while walking the dog. We were strolling along one of my favorite routes, beside a pond in a residential neighborhood where I always see ducks and geese, and sometimes wild turkeys.

foliage

I noticed an SUV parked on the other side of the road, and four young men were sitting in it with the windows down. As I passed, one of them yelled out at me, “How you doing, beautiful?”

I stopped in my tracks. Did I just hear that? WTF???

 Then I had a split second to decide what to do. Ignore it? Engage in constructive dialogue about appropriate behavior? Unleash 30 years of frustration and anger, condensed into a stinging one-liner that’s sure to make him really, really sorry?

I wish I could report I did something vengeful or witty, but all I did was look at him and ask, “REALLY?

As in: Really, you have the gall to harass me in my own neighborhood? Really, you weren’t raised better that that? Really, you are so confident in your safety and dominance that you feel entitled to say absolutely anything to me, even though you know you are scaring me?

Because that was absolutely his intention. After I turned away and high-tailed it out of there, I could hear him yelling at me. I was afraid to turn around. I was never so glad to have my 80-pound shepherd-mix-who-looks-like-a-Doberman by my side. If not for my dog, I would have been terrified. There was no one else around and there were four of them, one of me.

At this point, you may be thinking, “Come on, Laura, he just made a harmless remark. He probably meant it as a compliment.” You would be wrong. What 20-something man sees a 40-something woman in jeans and a baggy sweatshirt (hair in ponytail, no makeup) and says something like that? He knew what he was doing; he probably does it all the time. There is no excuse for it.

The whole episode brought back terrible memories of times in my life when I encountered this kind of crap a lot more often. My entire early 20’s, when I lived on or near military bases and could not go running outdoors without being harassed by the cars passing by (I just turned up my music). The time I went to a Patriots game and was groped by a stranger in the crowd. Jogging on a beach vacation just a few years ago, when an asshole in a car yelled nasty things at me as he drove by (what is it about being in a car that makes these men lose all sense of decency? We can still see you!).

But all this is just part of being female and having a pulse. I hate it, I think it’s wrong, but I’m used to it. I’m glad more people are talking about now and calling it unacceptable. And despite yesterday’s incident, this happens to me less and less as I get older (maybe the dude yesterday wasn’t wearing his glasses?).

My friends, save your sympathy for the next generation. The worst part of getting harassed yesterday wasn’t that I felt afraid (though I did) or that I was looking over my shoulder for the rest of my walk, wondering if they would follow me (they didn’t, thank goodness).

No, the worst part was sitting down with my 13-year old daughter and telling her about it, and talking about how to handle it when this happens to her. Not if. When. She’s taller than me and looks like an adult. She walks around our town all the time.

And her middle school bus stop is 100 yards from where this incident happened.

Good luck, honey. You’ll need it.