Is There Anything Sadder Than Costco in January?

When I went shopping just after Christmas, my local Costco was virtually unrecognizable. All remnants of Christmas had vanished, as if the entire holiday season (signs of which, by the way, appeared in early October) had never happened. And so I lie awake at night and wonder…did they sell ALL those neatly wrapped boxes of Belgian chocolate? ALL the 8-foot tall teddy bears? Every last pallet of Panettone?

Just days before Christmas, the place had been a happy madhouse. There were traffic jams near the meat counter, long lines at checkout, and a parking lot situation that looked like the bumper cars at the state fair – but the Christmas spirit prevailed. I don’t know why; perhaps the marketing geniuses at Corporate determined just which Christmas songs were best suited for both calming the nerves and opening the wallets.

The Christmas Season at Costco is a playground for the senses. Holiday tunes drift magically from the player piano ($2,799.99!). The high-pitched whirr of a blender makes milkshakes, which are offered to shoppers by a nice lady demonstrating a Vitamix. You can walk down the row of home goods and plunge your arms elbow-deep into throw blankets that feel like real fur.

Of course, the warehouse is still a warehouse – it never quite attains the glistening visual appeal of a Crate and Barrel – but it’s also not nearly as breakable. Thank goodness for that, because it’s easy to get distracted by a giant inflatable snowman and accidentally ram your cart into a pallet of grapefruit.

But the very best thing about Costco during the holidays is the merchandise. For a limited time, you can practically get diabetes just by standing too close to the desserts. They have coffee cake, tiramisu, peppermint bark, shortbread cookies, apple pies, and tins of “biscuits” with pictures of European cities on them. Nearby, the endless piles of toys beckon. My kids are too old for most of them, but it’s still fun to browse the remote-control cars and hover boards and packs of 100 colored pencils, sharpened and ready to go.

Alas, all that good stuff disappears the day after Christmas. When I arrived and showed my member card at the door, I entered a different world.

The store was silent – no more music. Just the shuffling, snow-booted feet of the shoppers in front of me, wiping icy slush (ugh!) from their practical footwear. Such are the sights and sounds of winter in Massachusetts, with no Christmas to distract us.

After Christmas, there is not one fun thing left in that store. Apparently, January is the month when we pay for our holiday sins. The dessert section was replaced with industrial size jars of protein powder, which presumably we need to add to the diet green smoothies we’ll grudgingly consume until spring break (and made with that new Vitamix!).

What else is featured in Costco after Christmas? Well, lots of mattresses. Respectable-looking furniture (nothing too funky or hip). Throw rugs. Among the sweaters and coats, a lone table of women’s bathing suits mocks me, as if to say “It’s too cold to wear us now and you’d only depress yourself by squeezing these over your pale, over-fed body.” I can’t deny it.

I still go to Costco, because life goes on and we need milk, laundry detergent, and wine. Lots of wine (the next best thing to Christmas for distracting one from winter in Massachusetts).

On the bright side, the crowds have thinned considerably and parking is easy. Costco is like church – after Christmas, you see who the regulars are. And you wait for the next holiday, when it will be warm and crowded once again.

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4 thoughts on “Is There Anything Sadder Than Costco in January?

  1. Diane Rose

    very well done and i just loved this post… I was in costco to get an upgrade on my hearing aids and will have the gal check to see how the hearing aids are doing .. I will show this to her. I am sure she will love reading this as i have

    Love

    Aunt Diane

    ________________________________

    Reply
  2. Aileen

    Hi Laura,

    I’m not a Costco customer but still enjoyed your writing and laughed along. Keep on writing your observings – I thoroughly enjoy reading them.

    Reply
  3. Pam Hill

    So very true! It’s like Costco is saying, “Christmas is gone. Get over it. We have.” Loved your article, Laura, and hope this winter is better to the family than last year!

    Reply
  4. Nancy Loderick

    Hi Laura,

    Loved this post. It’s too funny when we go to Costco because my husband immediately disappears, heading straight for the free food sampling tables. I’m left to do all the shopping!

    Nancy

    Reply

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