Thanks, But No Thanks: Three Things I’m NOT Thankful for this Thanksgiving

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, so I’m thankful for plenty, of course. The worst thing I’ve had to deal with lately is traffic, thanks to which I was in the car so long yesterday I listened to NPR’s All Things Considered twice (at 4:00 pm and then later at 6:00). How can I complain about the opportunity to consider all things, and then consider those same things again?

Being perpetually grateful gets tiring, however. Despite being thankful for so much, here are three things I would prefer to do without this holiday season:

Bon Appétit Magazine

The only reason I even receive this is the irresistible $6 annual subscriptions they throw my way after I play hard-to-get with the first 20 solicitations. This magazine clearly targets people with nothing better to do than troll around specialty markets shopping for ingredients I can’t even pronounce. The Thanksgiving issue tried to be helpful with advice for “getting creative” with side dishes. However, I resent the suggestion that my holiday table must include Roasted Beets with Sesame and Marjoram (if you have one person at your table who would try this dish, you do not live in the heartland and may not be a Real American) or the Harissa-and-Maple Roasted Carrots (there was no harissa at Plimoth Plantation). I also refuse to incorporate miso butter or Jerusalem artichokes into my recipes. Cream of mushroom soup and canned onions were good enough for my grandmother’s green beans, and they are good enough for mine!

Apple products

I’m as addicted to my iPhone as the next girl. But like the Pilgrims and all immigrants since, I dream of a better life for my children. That’s why the next four days at home will feature a soundtrack of me screeching, “Get off the screen!” and “How long have you been on that thing?” In my dreams, my children play board games and read literature all day, stopping only to hug each other or to find an unassigned chore that needs completion. Alas, they will be on their screens. Those damned, opium-like little screens.

The Starbucks Chestnut Praline Latte

Yes, I’m aware that it’s new. I’ve seen enough full-page ads for this drink to line my litter box for at least a year (or until the Pumpkin Spice Latte makes its triumphant return). I have no desire to learn what a chestnut tastes like (or more accurately, what chestnut-flavored simple syrup tastes like) when drunk in a steamy hot infusion of caffeine. I will have the gingerbread latte instead. Like a civilized person.

On this holiday, may we all enjoy an abundance of things for which we are thankful, and may we find satisfaction in rejecting those things we can do without.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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3 thoughts on “Thanks, But No Thanks: Three Things I’m NOT Thankful for this Thanksgiving

  1. Joanne Mead

    True!! And I would add to the “we do not need” list the barrage of ads we get for shopping! start early the day after Thanksgiving!! Lots of sales!!! (The excitement you see belongs solely to the marketers.) The one that stopped me in my tracks this year was Lord & Taylor’s “Thanks-getting” campaign. Ugh.

    Reply

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